Meet the fam.
There's Gal (short for Galilee), Me (Kaylee), Amos, and the husband (Jake). The kids are twins, 2 1/2 now. Somebody pinch me. And another babe on the way.
My hope in creating littlest neighbor is to resource parents of little kids to meet and care for the people living around them.
But as I've been reflecting and thinking about how our family does neighboring, I realized a pretty big thing that actually has some pretty freeing implications.
As much as I'd like to think neighboring is a family passion, it's not.
Neighboring is a passion of mine and something our family has come to value and prioritize, but it's not something each individual in our family has been called to equally.
And that's okay.
It's probably a more common reality than I'd care to admit when Jake and I are disagreeing about hosting a fall block party. It's in those moments I compare and assume the families (specifically couples) who host regularly and do neighborly things are always equally excited about it!
But that expectation is me not being fair to my people.
Amos may have a propensity toward neighboring—with the way he greets our neighbors from the carport, but Gal sometimes chooses to opt out of social interactions, even at the age of 2.
A lot like her dada, I occasionally have to console her after we share a batch of cookies and leave it on a neighbor’s doorstep. It’s a teachable moment, sure, but as she grows and becomes more or less introverted, it’s my job to advocate for her and the moments she wants and needs space, rather than push her towards a social interaction that could be really draining. While our conversations with neighbors will still happen spur of the moment, they will also become more intentional and planned. That way, we respect her desire for predictability and allow her a framework in which to turn on the small talk.
With Jake, however, it’s a little more heated, because he can…tell me how he really feels.
I get to support Jake 100% as he pours his energy into our business, and he gets to support my passion for neighboring—especially when it means he gets to steal a muffin or a handful of fresh granola.
But it's not always easy.
We've had to learn how to balance the responsibility I feel to interact with neighbors on a minute by minute basis and his basic need to recharge with his family. Those lingering greetings that stop us on a walk or out-of-the-way meal deliveries are a sure fire way to just drain Jake’s energy. And that’s something I need to be protecting and pouring into, rather than pulling the drain and depleting his energy reserve because I’m naively unaware that we function differently.
Our personality difference is not a bad thing, nor does it mean we can't be good, caring neighbors—we just have to have conversations about how to do it as a family in a way that honors both our hearts and callings.
This means we’re specific about when we “do” neighboring.
We say no to other things in order to make room for it in our lives, and we are scrupulous about what we can expect of each other. We pay attention to work deadlines, trips, and just busy weeks. We make trades all the time. Maybe we opt out of a night with friends because we’ve agreed to participate in a neighbor’s chili cook off. Or I plan just a girl (and kids) event and send Jake to a movie.
I’ve also had to learn to do a lot of my prep work ahead of time and when Jake isn’t around. I budget my time differently and simplify everything (menus, decor, etc.) in order to minimize stress when the dinner bell rings.
When we make an effort to neighbor as a family, it’s a team effort.
And we all know we need to be present.
Now, maybe that makes neighboring sound too hard or not worth it, but I hope it's encouraging, somehow.
Neighboring is not something that just happens, no matter the personality type.
Neighboring is intentional--especially as a family endeavor. It has to be. But it's worth it.